FLR - Female led relationship

Explore FLR - Female Led Relationship, where women take the lead in everyday life and sexuality. Learn more about this relationship model here!


by Bell Bennett

7 minutes read

FLR - Female led relationship

The abbreviation FLR stands for “female led relationship” and that pretty much sums up the meaning of FLR. In this relationship, the woman decides where things go. She not only holds the reins in everyday life. She also controls the man's sexual desires because she is also the boss in bed. If the woman wants something, the man must always do it. Often this includes banal things like housework. The gradations of leadership by the woman can be divided from light and possibly unconscious, to conscious leadership, to extreme control/leadership. Furthermore, the FLR relationship additionally intervenes in other areas and is thus somewhat reminiscent of a BDSM relationship. In fact, BDSM often plays a role in FLR because, after all, one party must also submit here. For example, if she feels like banishing him from the couch to the floor, according to FLR he must comply. If she wants to put a collar on him, he must come immediately and have it put on or at least put it on himself. The boundaries to a BDSM relationship are accordingly fluid. However, each couple lives out the intensity of the relationship very individually.

A woman leading a female-led relationship

What is femdom?

Femdom is simply the term for the female dominant part of a BDSM relationship. A female-dominated BDSM relationship is therefore also referred to as FLR. As already mentioned, the boundaries are not always clearly recognizable and also vary from couple to couple. Therefore, generalizations should not necessarily be made at this point. Rather, one can say that BDSM often is its, but does not necessarily have to be part of it. In a FLR Femdom relationship, which tends towards BDSM, sometimes very extreme forms occur. The man makes himself dependent on the woman in all areas of life. Not only does she rule over him in bed and in the house, she also takes over all official matters. The power imbalance in these FLR partnerships is strong, and it is not uncommon for an FLR contract to be concluded. The FLR contract is pretty much like a BDSM contract, which is made consensually at the beginning of the relationship.

Speaking of contracts: Official contracts and papers are also often filled out in the woman's name only. In addition, she owns and manages all property and assets. House, land or other property are therefore under her control. The same applies to the bank account and other valuables. She also decides whether, when and how much money the man is allowed to have. Such dependence can be good for some men. But of course, the right partner must be chosen for such dependence and complete heteronomy. If a man puts himself in the wrong hands, this can end badly. By the way, most of these are men who either enjoy the submissive part or have a lot of responsibility in their job. They experience it as a great relief to be able to shift this responsibility away from themselves for the rest of their lives. In everyday life, these couples are often not so easy to spot because in front of other people they behave normally or like a couple at eye level.


If BDSM is an integral part of the FLR partnership, it can have an impact on several areas. For example, the control of pleasure and the male orgasm play a role here, especially in punishments. Delaying or forcing an orgasm is not uncommon, and male chastity is also an important issue for Femdom. The mistress also has the right to take lovers, behaviour that is of course not permitted to the man inferior to her. Even in a Femdom marriage with BDSM, it happens that she has lovers, and he does not. In FLR, these marriages or relationships with one-sided openness always serve to satisfy the woman and not the man. If he is a so-called cuckold, it is usually his wish that his partner has many sexual contacts with other men and that he may openly watch the lady having sex with other men. Not infrequently, the male part is also voyeuristic inclined and would like to watch his Femdom doing it secretly. But since the woman is in charge, such an open partnership always takes place according to her rules and not his.

BDSM in an FLR context

So, the female-led marriage can also sometimes take on extreme proportions. However, it can equally be that it is a “normal” BDSM relationship with a female Dom and a male Sub. This is then also called FLR BDSM. It is completely normal if feminine and at the same time woman live out their submissive fantasies in this relationship. The important thing is that everything happens at her request, and she decides what happens and when.

A group of people discussing FLR

Living a FLR relationship

Living a FLR relationship or a FLR marriage does not take on the same proportions in every couple. Sometimes the female determination is lived as a 24/7 relationship, which means she is always in charge. In most cases, however, she scales back her dominance, and he is less submissive when friends or guests are present. After all, not everyone lives out their sexual preferences and kicks in public like the FLR relationship. So this relationship is often something private and special, so it rarely leaves the private premises. The Femdom relationship itself demands constant obedience from the male part. The rules set by the woman must be followed and implemented to her satisfaction. Tasks that she assigns must also be done directly and according to her ideas. If this is not done or is done insufficiently, she punishes the man. This FLR relationship is not, as many may think, tainted by stereotypes. It rarely happens that one chastises the other all day long with a whip and chases him around the flat.

Furthermore, some purchases, for example in the field of electronics, are of no interest to the woman, and she does not care whether he makes them. A FLR marriage is also almost always subject to fixed structures and rules. “When he constantly asks me for permission to do something, it sometimes annoys me! If I'm not at home, then he does what he wants,” says Andrea. She has been living happily in a FLR marriage for many years and wouldn't want to try anything else. Her husband Benjamin enjoys the relationship and is happy to subordinate himself to it. The FLR marriage of the two has grown over many years and has developed mainly through regular exchange and suggestions for improvement. This couple's life together could not be more harmonious.

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The FLR Relationship Guide

Finding a FLR relationship is not so easy because it is also always about courage and trust to open up to someone. However, if you have found the right part, the FLR partnership can be quite a great experience and create a special connection. In order for the FLR relationship to become something that both partners enjoy, there are a few things to keep in mind. If you follow the following tips, nothing will stand in the way of a successful FLR relationship:

  • The relationship must be entered into consensually.

  • An FLR contract makes sense in some places.

  • There must be a regular exchange between the partners outside the role distribution and at eye level.

  • For the FLR relationship to work well it needs to settle in, give it enough time to grow.

  • The man who subordinates himself is nevertheless a person with feelings, which must be respected and appreciated.

  • With power always comes responsibility, so be careful not to get overwhelmed.

  • It is advisable to separate the areas of work, household, leisure, finances, lifestyle, and sexuality. All areas should therefore be discussed separately from each other.

  • Open conversations about sexual preferences and desires must take place.

  • Mutual respect in the FLR relationship must be maintained by both partners at all times.

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