Watching porn during sex: How to bring up the subject

Find out how you can broach the subject of watching porn together during sex in a relationship. Discover the arguments

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by Bell Bennett

11 minutes read

Watching porn during sex: How to bring up the subject

A good porn film stimulates the mental cinema and lets the imagination do loop-the-loops. The cinematic inspiration not only makes solitary pleasure more enjoyable, but can also enrich the bedroom as a partnership. Within many relationships, however, the topic is controversial: Are porn films unnecessary or even harmful for love? Perhaps you are wondering how to address shared porn consumption sensitively and as drama-free as possible. We have collected ideas and arguments for you if you want to watch porn during sex.

How to reach climax more often

Porn in the relationship: whetting your appetite for your own adventures

Watching porn before sex as a couple

A good porn film stimulates the mental cinema and lets the imagination do loop-the-loops. The cinematic inspiration not only makes solitary pleasure more enjoyable, but can also enrich the bedroom as a partnership. Within many relationships, however, the topic is controversial: Are porn films unnecessary or even harmful for love? Perhaps you are wondering how to address shared porn consumption sensitively and as drama-free as possible. We have collected ideas and arguments for you if you want to watch porn during sex. The reality is different: Good porn can be enriching for many people. Research shows that conscious consumption can have positive effects. Within a relationship, erotic films can serve as icebreakers to address needs or sex fantasies. The visual material lowers shame and allows a more relaxed approach to one's own sexuality. Unfortunately, many people find it difficult to talk openly about their sexual desires. Professional performers express what you cannot find the right words for. As a viewer, you can explore and get to know types of play and sex practices that would otherwise have remained foreign to you. Instead of long-winded and embarrassed explanations of what is going on in your head cinema, you can simply watch appropriate porn together. In addition, auditioning increases pleasure: the sounds and visual impressions are an incentive to become active yourself. You work up an appetite on the screen, and eat at home. There is no reason to be jealous: even the best porn in the world cannot replace a real lovemaking session.

A couple watches porn during sex

5 reasons to consume porn

  • Support for masturbation: Porn is the perfect background noise for an extended self-love session. The visual and acoustic stimulation increases arousal as if by magic.

  • Inspiration and orientation: Oh, you can do that? Porn is a source of inspiration for the fascinating blossoms of erotic art. New positions, interesting sex practices or little tricks improve your own love life.

  • Sexual self-discovery: What do I find hot? Which kinks make my heart beat faster? Very few people wake up one morning and can define exactly what gets them going sexually. Porn serves as a guide in the jungle of sexuality.

  • Exploring taboos: In fantasy, what would be difficult to do in reality or would cause outraged whispering is allowed. Taboo topics in porn serve as "lightning rods" for the most secret fantasies and allow a more open approach to spicy topics.

  • Dissatisfaction in the relationship: People who are unhappy in their relationship watch porn more often. This has been scientifically proven. However, cause and effect are unclear: Does increased consumption lead to dissatisfaction or do sexually unhappy people turn to porn sites more often?

Consequences of not having enough sex

Differences between men and women: Who watches porn?

The cliché says that it is predominantly men who watch erotic films on the internet. This perception is not wrong, but incomplete: 25 per cent of all search queries on the internet revolve around pornography. Data from a major porn platform shows that a quarter of these queries come from women. It is estimated that every fifth woman regularly watches erotic films on the internet.

Most videos are aimed at male preferences and cater to their specific desires. But why do men watch porn? Men use the sex films as a masturbation aid and prefer the typical sequence with a blowjob, sex and a facial as the crowning touch.

Women who watch porn, however, are less interested in the cumshot at the end, but focus on other aspects. Is there a stimulating soundscape? Does the camera show more than a close-up of the genitals? Are there some nice abs or upper arms to see besides the woman's breasts? The typical soft porn for couples and women revolves around the soft, tender tones of eroticism and puts the emotional aspects in the foreground. On the other hand, research data shows that many women search for keywords like "gangbang" or "anal". The truth probably lies in the middle: Women do watch porn, but they watch it differently. The market is slowly changing to accommodate this new target group, making it more colourful, diverse and exciting.

Is porn harmful?

Of course, excessive porn consumption has negative sides. It is like many things in life: The dose makes the poison. Too much of a good thing can paralyse instead of inspire.

The term "porn addiction" is widely used, but not entirely accurate. For there can be no physical addiction to sex films. Addictive consumption is a compulsive behaviour that has little to do with satisfaction. The kick of a mouse click appeals to the reward centre in the brain and releases neurotransmitters such as endorphins and serotonin.

Doctors speak of addiction when everyday life is negatively affected by the addictive substance and other duties are neglected. When this happens, the relationship suffers, causing even more porn to flicker across the mobile phone screen - a vicious circle. It has never been easier to watch porn. It can be all the more difficult to stop again. If the issue is bothering you, you should seek professional support.

There is another dimension to the debate around adult entertainment: most erotic films paint an unrealistic picture of lust and passion. For young people (and adults), it creates a distorted image of what sexuality can and should look like. The portrayal of women moaning throughout and male performers hard all the time can fuel fears of failure.

Porn is not a good source of information about sex and should not be taken as a guide to action. They offer a sensual fantasy, entertainment, inspiration and more - if you are responsible with your consumption.

Better to watch together or alone?

The question of all questions: Do you want to watch porn with your partner or should it remain a pleasure for lonely nights? Both options are valid and meet different needs.

Porn for couples is excellent as foreplay and a source of ideas for the minutes and hours to come. It is also a good way to address personal preferences: With anal sex porn or a pegging video, you can carefully test how your partner reacts to certain fantasies. If you particularly like a scene, you can casually signal this to your partner. On the other hand, you can talk about what you don't like at all.

Masturbation, on the other hand, is more about the speedy satisfaction of urges. There is nothing objectionable about that. Most people skip to interesting parts of the film (for them) and skip the extended making out. Other porn fans take extra time to watch and follow their favourite clip in full.

One question remains: Is porn cheating? There is no universal answer to this question. For some people, just thinking about other people can be a sexual boundary crossing. After all, in porn you are watching strange women and men have sex. Communication is the key to navigating such conflicts.

 

Watching porn films during sex: The ultimate guide without drama

Porn can be an asset to your relationship. As with all sexual adventures, it depends on individual preferences and limits: Is the laptop soon to be a permanent guest in bed or will it remain a one-off experiment?

In an ideal world, you can talk about your sexual needs and desires quite carefree without fear of an argument. However, we are all products of our environment and upbringing - and this is often erotically conservative, especially among women. Accordingly, it can be difficult to approach this topic.

The mouth is not just for kissing! It is best to first address the topic purely theoretically. How does your partner feel about porn films in general? This will help you develop a feeling for the needs of your loved one.

It's a bad idea to just whip out your mobile phone and put on a film during foreplay. No one likes to be caught off guard. Instead, talk about your expectations. What do you expect to get out of it? Do you want to heat up your love life or get to know your sweetheart better on an erotic level? If you can explain your thoughts on this, it is a good basis for an open conversation.

Happily watching porn during sex

Before or during sex?

Let's get started: Agree on rules beforehand and exchange your fantasies! Do you want to touch each other while the sex film is playing on the screen? You should clarify such questions beforehand.

Basically, there are two options for the erotic film screening:

  • -As foreplay before sex:

  •  As background during sex.

Both options have their advantages and disadvantages. The phases may even merge smoothly into one another if the desire takes hold of you during consumption. Rule of thumb: Your full attention should be on your partner. No matter what is happening on the screen, you have consciously chosen an erotic couple activity. The sex films are a nice extra, but not the main event. 

A laptop or screen on the wall is more suitable than the smartphone. This is because you have your hands free to put the suggestions from the film directly into action. The volume should be chosen so that there is no moaning: rather a touch too quiet than too loud. Many people watch their porn directly without sound - this is also an option.

Something different?

Finding the right porn

The internet is filled to the brim with clips, pictures and videos dealing with the erotic side of life. How are you supposed to find a porn site that meets your standards in this sea of boobs and butts?

The vast selection can seem overwhelming. The typical porn site homepage advertises dozens of options - it's not always clear what's behind the thumbnail. When a second person comes into play, it becomes almost impossible to make a decision.

A good place to start is with special porn films for couples. Unlike the usual mainstream porn, these films are geared towards the preferences of men and women alike. It helps if you set the framework at the beginning and dedicate yourself to a special sex practice, for example. The more precisely you can narrow down what you are interested in, the more manageable the selection becomes.

There are some favourite clips and actresses that you absolutely want to show? Keep in mind that your taste in porn doesn't necessarily have to match your partner. Stay open to curious queries and don't take it personally if your viewing habits don't match. The same goes the other way round: porn is a reflection of the imagination. There is no need for jealousy or feelings of inferiority.

You should not only talk about what you want to see, but also what you do NOT want to see. Maybe you feel uncomfortable if the performers in couple porn are crisply built and arouse complexes in you. Or you exclude certain porn categories from the outset. A veto right helps to ensure that no unpleasant misunderstandings arise.

How to make your escort date an Oscar-worthy show

Perhaps the idea of running a porno during sex appeals to you - without the delicate selection and eternal discussions. Because the parallel fucking on both sides of the screen almost feels like you're part of an uninhibited sex party. With the small difference that you don't have to visit a porn cinema to enjoy the erotic show.

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