Why you should use a safeword

The safeword is often used in BDSM in particular and is also used as a stop word. But what exactly is a safeword and what effects does it have?


by Bell Bennett

7 minutes read

Why you should use a safeword

The safeword is one of the most important parts of BDSM. Safe words are determined together before each BDSM session. Sometimes called a stop word or code word, it serves the purpose of immediately ending the session as soon as it is spoken. Both partners should internalise this safe word because it is binding. A slowword is also very often used, but unlike the safeword, it does not interrupt the SM session. The slowword only signals that you have to proceed a little more cautiously or slowly. Basically, however, it is just as important and binding as the safeword. Only when the sub can trust the Dom absolutely, submissive games are really fun. In this article you will not only learn everything about the safeword and its application, but also about the slave contract.

The safeword is important in BDSM


According to the SSC BDSM principle the safewords are established. SSC means safe, sane and consensual. Another abbreviation for this principle is also RACK, which means risk aware consensual kink . The principle is necessary because Sub punishment naturally involves a number of risks. Among other things, some taboos and no-go's are established according to these principles - of course, always before the SM session, so it is much better possible to surrender.Since SSC and/or RACK are unwritten laws that everyone abides by, there must be absolute trust between the sexual partners.  The safe word is an extremely important part of this and belongs to it as a matter of course. Establishing the different words beforehand is particularly useful, because both are in their right minds at this point. If this agreement is not adhered to, it can cause considerable physical and mental damage to the submissive part.

What is BDSM?

The best safewords

The BDSM code, consisting of safeword and slowword, must of course be clearly understood during active play. Accordingly, words like "stop", "no" and "stop it" are less useful in such moments. After all, it is often part of the game's charm when such words are used. A misinterpretation of these words and also begging the Dom to stop may increase the appeal even more.  It is therefore better to use words that are completely out of context. "Grace" is probably the most popular safeword used in the scene. Good safewords are also clear and easy to pronounce. Whole sentences, word sequences or complicated and long words are therefore not good safewords. The more the chosen safeword deviates from the norm and the more elaborate it is, the better.

A list of popular safewords:

  • Mayday
  • SOS
  • Name of the BDSM partner
  • Cheesecake
  • Strawberry tart
  • Sun
  • Moon
  • Stars
  • Safeword
  • Volleyball
  • Iceman
  • Grass
  • Fruits (apple, banana, grape etc.)

Overview of the most common safewords in Escort

The traffic light system

The traffic light system is a great alternative to made-up safewords because it is easy to understand. Here the partners orientate themselves by the colours of a traffic light. It is handled as in road traffic, i.e. as we all know it. Red means "stop", yellow means "watch out, slow down" and green means "all is well". Green is only mentioned when asked, because it symbolises that everything is all right and that the actions are being enjoyed extensively: So caning or other practices can still be carried out. However, the dominant part should always pay attention to whether the submissive partner is doing well. If, for example, the submissive partner cannot pronounce the word green when asked, he or she must also stop. Yellow, on the other hand, is often used as a slow word. It can mean that the actions are becoming too intense or too painful and must be reduced.

However, this is only a gear down, so the SM session is not interrupted. Red, in contrast, is synonymous with "stop, stop now", and the lovemaking must be interrupted immediately. In this case, it may simply have become too much for the Sub, because things often get heated. So sex as punishment is only allowed up to a certain point, and that's right.

Silent safeword

Another form of safeword during a BDSM session can alternatively be gestures or signs. Many things can prevent the sub from uttering a word. Gags, masks, choking during sex and other BDSM punishments are some examples. Especially the reduction of breath, which is supposed to increase pleasure, makes it very difficult or even impossible to say a safeword. Hand signs with different numbers of fingers in the air are a good alternative to the spoken word. Of course, silent signs must also be respected and not simply lost in the wild game. If hand signs are not your thing, you can also agree on tapping signs, because these can be wonderfully executed with different parts of the body. If your hands are tied, you can also use elbows, knees, feet or even your head. The number of taps could also be differentiated: For example, tap twice for the slowword and tap often for the stopword or something similar. Feel free to let your imagination run wild here.

Overview of hand signals as a replacement for a safeword

Objects that are held up can be a little clearer. A yellow ball (or object) representing the slowword and a red ball (or object) representing the stopword. Dropping a certain object that the sub is holding is also a way to signal the safeword. Having to hold the object all the time is also a sex punishment that reinforces the game of punishment and dominance. A very subtle approach is needed if a shake of the head or a roll of the eyes is to be the sign to stop. Since such gestures are easily overlooked, it is not advisable to choose them. If a Dom wants to really punish his sex slave, it can be disturbing to keep eye contact all the time. Blinking the wrong way could accidentally interrupt the session, so to speak, which would be a shame when it doesn't have to be.

facesitting complicates the verbal safeword

Follow-up conversations

Once the safeword has been dropped and the session has ended as a result, conversations are very helpful. An emotional crash can be prevented in this way. In the conversation, it must be discussed what exactly caused the crash. It is especially useful to have these conversations so that both parties can better adjust to each other the next time. For Subs or Doms with changing partners, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn something and improve the technique. Also for future preliminary talks or slave contracts as well as for further sadomaso games a lot can be learned through a conversation. The more a Dom has learned, the better he can punish his slave - without the session getting out of hand.

BDSM contract/slave contract

The slave contract is very common in the BDSM scene and actually already normal. Maybe it sounds a bit bizarre to outsiders, but a lot is specified in such a BDSM contract. The slave punishment and the safeword, for example, are fixed components. The stop sign BDSM, the sex safe words and also the complete BDSM slave education are written down in detail. This way, everyone is prepared for what may and may not happen in the BDSM session. Sometimes even procedures and duration of the session or individual parts of it are planned and discussed in detail. The Dom-Sub contract is very helpful for both sides and also builds trust. Sex toys and their use are also specified in it, as well as whether and to what extent they may be used anally. Furthermore, additional aids are listed which may be used.

a hand signs a contract with safeword

In addition, taboos, the distribution of roles and behavioural patterns are laid down.
By the way: The game also gets a little spice from this contract, because the sub finally commits himself to the Dom in writing and bindingly.

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