Choking - the game with powerlessness

Choking has recently become an increasingly popular trend in bed, with younger people in particular focussing on the game of fainting. But the risks can be huge


by Bell Bennett

14 minutes read

Choking - the game with powerlessness

Being choked can give sex an extreme kick. Some people find the air squeezing particularly horny, while others are not at all comfortable with choking during sex. Choking sex, which is more of a fetish, can't just be integrated into your love life like many other types of play. In this article we describe different variations of erotic fainting and explain what you have to pay attention to.

Escorts Girls

Chocking as foreplay between couples

What is choking?

Literally translated, choking sounds rather brutal: one associates choking more with a physical attack and danger to life and limb than with hot love, doesn't one? However, erotic asphyxiation can be extremely stimulating - as long as it follows certain rules! Because when the air supply is temporarily cut off, less oxygen reaches the brain. As a result, the body secretes plenty of insulin, which significantly increases arousal and orgasms are supposed to be experienced as insanely intense. In this guide, we show you how to safely choke your partner during sex; in fact, there are several choking techniques. We'll give you positions and scenarios that you can use with your partner to make choking super hot and intense. However... We first need to talk about how incredibly dangerous sexual strangling can be. We therefore advise against ever trying out gagging during sex spontaneously and without prior agreement!

Sex Strangulation can lead to death!

Choking your sexual partner can be fatal, even if you take safety precautions and learn how to do it right or wrong. In the course of our research, we found two documented cases of death by strangulation in the US because one partner had strangled the other during sex. Other methods of strangulation during sex/BDSM have also caused several deaths. It is likely that more people have died from strangulation during sex than we know, as there is a lack of research on this. Perhaps the partners also wanted to avoid legal action, the stated cause of death left out the sexual aspect, or the death did not occur immediately. Below are some of the most important safety issues to consider when using strangulation techniques:

  • Brain damage- Restricting the blood and oxygen supply to the brain, even for a very short period of time, can lead to brain damage.
  • Bruising and other physical injuries - The neck is a sensitive area. If someone is rough with it during choking, it can cause physical damage such as bruising and swelling.
  • Carotid artery injury- Erotic choking has been known to cause carotid artery injury, leading to Horner's syndrome in at least one documented case. Horner's syndrome occurs when there is nerve damage to the eye, causing constriction of the pupil and drooping of the eyelid.
  • Vision loss- Erotic asphyxiation can cause a type of bleeding that can lead to permanent vision loss. In one study, a patient suffered double vision after sexual asphyxiation.
  • Psychological trauma- If you don't explicitly consent and are aware of the risks associated with choking during sex, it can have dire consequences. You could cause unnecessary psychological injury and trauma to yourself or your partner. One study found that choking during sex is associated with sadness, loneliness, depression and overwhelming anxiety (in women). Even when the choking situations were consensual and the person or both partners had a choking preference.
  • Strangulation during sex can also lead to strokes, heart attacks and paralysis.
  • Death- As mentioned earlier, it is possible to die by suffocation whether or not it is consensual sexual activity.

These are just some of the most important points to be aware of before you choke your partner during sex. Remember that injuries can also occur after a delay and not immediately after choking or deflating.

Last but not least, you should know that choking can have legal consequences. Even if your partner agrees to be choked during sex, you could be entering legally roiling waters. Your partner could "strategically" use your sexual history against you in court in a separation, for example. And in the event of an accidental death, you could be charged with murder - an explanation of your choking fetish wouldn't do you much good in that case.

Sex play with choking

How to strangle someone as safely as possible

There is not really a safe way to strangle someone. It is and remains a potentially dangerous act. Full stop.

But that should not fundamentally stop you from trying sexual strangling. Now that you know the risks, have discussed it with your partner beforehand and have established a safe word/gesture, it's time to learn how to choke your playmate as safely as possible.The key to "safe choking" is not to strangle your partner. It's all about how you grab - it's all about finesse.

Start VERY gently. As with any sexual act, don't aggressively start by squeezing your partner's throat. You need to take it slow. Here are a few suggestions on how to approach choking gently.


We start with the so-called "light choke", where only the weight of the choking person's hand is felt. To do this, place your hand loosely on your partner's neck without exerting pressure. Your hand should be relaxed. Ask your partner if they are comfortable before you continue. Then apply light pressure so that you are more or less just holding the neck but not restricting the air/blood circulation. Ask your partner again if they agree before you continue. Intensify the pressure so that you squeeze the neck slightly while holding it.

We recommend that you never squeeze harder for a longer period of time. Provided your partner agrees, you can gradually apply more and more pressure, making sure each time that you do not hurt him. Each time you apply more pressure, stop and get feedback. You should always make sure that your partner is enjoying it and recognise whether he wants to feel more or less pressure. By the way, there is something to be said for testing choking during kissing. Choking demonstrates dominance, while an intimate kiss conveys security. A pretty good starting situation to get acquainted with choking, we think.

Chocking is more for professionals

Hand on hand - the professional tip

It is advisable for the person being choked to hold their partner's wrists during the act, especially when first experimenting with choking during sex. This way, the person being choked can give their partner feedback. If they want to choke harder, they can pull their partner's wrists towards them.

For gentler choking, their partner's wrists can be pushed away. This is a perfect way to incorporate choking into role-playing games, e.g. defending oneself against an attacker.

What is Rapeplay?

5 sexy methods for choking during sex

There are certainly many more variations of the fainting game. 

However, these five are particularly suitable for beginners. And they are also found pleasurable by many women, who, by the way, are much more often strangled than choked.

1. Being choked while lying on the back

This is probably the most common position in which choking is experienced during sex. 

The person being choked lies on their back while the person choking lies on top. The best positions for choking on the back are: The missionary position - The male partner lies on top of his partner and can choke her at the same time. This position is ideal for women who want to feel submissive during sex.

The cowgirl position - The male partner lies on his back while his female partner lies on top of him and chokes him. The riding position is ideal for women who like to be dominant during sex.

2. To grab from behind

A completely different way of being choked during sex is when your partner stands behind you and lends a hand. There are many positions and techniques you can use to get choked from behind. Here are our favourites:

Teaspooning position - This position is similar to doggy style with both actors kneeling. However, it differs from the doggy style position as the upper bodies are erect, not propped up on the bed with the arms. The male partner can then reach around her neck with his hand. This position is great for women who like to be dominated and feel exposed during sex.

Bodyguard position - Both partners stand and look in the same direction. So the female partner stands with her back to the male partner's chest. Here too he can put his hand around her neck and choke her.

Spoons position - Many women find that the spoons position is a great position for choking. They feel incredibly close to their partner, the full body contact is particularly intimate. At the same time, the man can put his hand around the neck from behind and choke his playmate. It is a mixture of intimacy and dominance.

3. Face to face choking

Choking while both partners make direct, intense eye contact can be insanely hot. Here are two positions where you'll be eye to eye during choking play.

Slow dance position - If the man can easily penetrate his partner while she is upright facing him, then the slow dance position is great for choking. But honestly, this position can be difficult if you or your partner are not the "right" height. However, standing at the end of the stairs can serve you well in balancing your size.

Master position - The man sits down on a large armchair or couch. She must then kneel in front of him facing him. In this position, he can choke her as well as the other way around. Bonus points if she chokes him just as he is about to orgasm.

4. Two-handed choking

Of course, you can also use two hands when strangling your partner. This is great to spice things up or increase the intensity. Here are some options for choking with both hands.

Two-handed chokehold - Instead of one hand, put both around your partner's neck. As logical as this may seem, please remember that you should use less force with two hands than with one.

Choking and hair pulling - One hand is around your partner's neck and gently squeezes while the other hand is at the back of their head. Starting at the nape of your loved one's neck, gently press your fingernails against their skin and move your hand upwards. Stroking your nails across the scalp feels incredibly good. Once your hand sinks deep into the hair at the back of the head, gently grasp the hair at the base and pull it down. Many people enjoy being pulled sensitively on the hair. An added benefit is that the chin is tilted up and the neck is exposed, making the person feel vulnerable.

Strangle with one hand on the neck - Another option is to strangle your partner with one hand, as you normally would, while grasping the back of the partner's neck with the other hand. With the other hand on the back of the neck, you can then tighten the choke hold. Be very careful not to apply too much pressure.

5. Choking and BDSM

If you are interested in BDSM and choking sex, you can combine the two. As always, you should put safety first so that you don't "accidentally" strangle your partner. Bondage in itself has something to do with dominance and submission. The combination with choking games of course intensifies the respective sensations considerably. However, keep in mind that your bound partner is completely at your mercy and cannot defend themselves if you squeeze too hard. Choking and bondage should therefore only be combined if the dominant partner is in control even in moments of greatest arousal. You must be able to react to a safeword or signs of genuine discomfort on the part of your partner at any time.

When this is given, however, BDSM with built-in choking elements becomes a very hot sex experience! While one actor is still resisting handcuffs or shackles on the wrists and ankles, the other's hands move inexorably towards the head. Breathing quickens, five fingers grab the throat and wrap around the neck. A deep, long kiss follows and then... Well, let's leave it at that - this is supposed to be an informative article and not an erotic story.

Choking with a collar during sex

A word about choking with ropes, belts and co.

We'll make it really short: Please refrain from the idea of choking or being choked with restraints or leashes!

Some couples are desperate to constantly increase the intensity and danger they experience during choking during sex. As a result, they incorporate other objects into their sex life. Choking is then often done with a belt, a leash or even metal chains. While this may sound like fun to some, it carries extreme dangers and we really advise against it. The strangler gets even less feedback when using such "tools" than when using his hands. And we don't even want to think about the much stronger pressure and the quick, complete cutting off of the air.

Gagging during climax

Quite a few people say they like to gag during sex, especially when they reach orgasm, because it makes it feel even more intense.

This admittedly sounds very tempting, but bear in mind that pain tolerance and risk-taking can increase enormously with sexual stimulation or arousal.

In some circumstances, so much so that the strangled partner may not notice even severe pain or be able to use their safe word. And if you notice your decision-making ability diminishing when you are aroused or approaching orgasm, the lack of oxygen may further impair your self-control and judgement.

Ultimately, even experienced, trustworthy, caring partners are careful not to go too far and hurt your partner: You can simply never be 100% sure that you are still fully in control in the throes of orgasm and ecstasy. The risk is even greater if you have little or no experience with erotic asphyxiation.

Chocking during climax

Fainting Game: Dominant-aggressive vs. sensual-loving

For many couples, aggressive sex is all they want. The submissive partner wants to feel the power of the dominant partner and be roughly choked by him.

This is perfectly fine. In quite a few relationships, however, rough sex can become repetitive and quickly boring.

Most couples need variety in bed to keep the physical love - shall we say - spicy. Quickies, new sex positions, different locations and slower, gentler sex are often needed to keep sex life interesting.

You should adopt the same attitude when choking: it doesn't always have to be rough and demanding. You can also choke your partner in a loving, caring way. Instead of squeezing the throat, you can apply very light pressure so that you don't choke him at all. Rather, you just hold his neck loosely in your hand. This can feel incredibly intimate and affectionate. After all, the neck is a highly erogenous zone.

Some people like choking - some don't

Choking during sex seems to be pretty common right now, especially among 18-35 year olds.

A recent US study found that about ⅔ of all women surveyed have already experienced sexual fainting. That's fine. But as with any sexual variation, not everyone is into choking their partner or being choked during sex.

For example, none of our escort ladies offer this version of sex. A not exactly small part of women and men would never dream of associating eroticism with choking.

And that is also a good thing.There are certainly dozens of other hot activities you can try out to make your sex life fun for you and your partner. And some of them can also leave you breathless quite quickly....

To our fetish ladies

In love with an escort lady

BDSM fairs and fetish events

The Sedcard - Business Card for Success

Relative posts

Somnophilia - I like to see you sleep

Somnophilia - I like to see you sleep

Somnophilia, the fetish for sleeping individuals: Learn all about the fascination with sleeping persons, how this preference can be safely and consensually...

by Bell Bennett

11 minutes read

BDSM fairs and fetish events

BDSM fairs and fetish events

Your guide to the best BDSM and fetish events: Discover exciting fairs and exclusive parties with a vibrant fetish culture

by Bell Bennett

12 minutes read

Autonepiophilia - when adults wear nappies

Autonepiophilia - when adults wear nappies

There are various expressions for adult play. Perhaps you know a few of them, such as ageplay or daddy play. Does that sound very confusing? We'll clear it up!

by Bell Bennett

16 minutes read

Confirm your age

To access Bells Escort, please confirm that you are at least 18 years old.