Sexting - only for long-distance relationships or erotic foreplay?

Do you know what sexting is? In fact, sexting has been around since the early days of internet chats or SMS. What exactly is it?


by Bell Bennett

13 minutes read

Sexting - only for long-distance relationships or erotic foreplay?

Sex on the net is still a big topic. But the debate is changing. Today we hardly talk about porn streams and ominous dating sites. Topics like "sexting" and "virtual sex relationships" have long since entered the mainstream. Messaging services in particular are used to express intimate needs more or less discreetly from a safe distance. The ability to quickly and easily post texts, pictures and even live videos can be both a blessing and a curse. When used responsibly, the new media open up a wide range of sexual varieties.

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What is sexting?

So what exactly does sexting mean? "Sexting" is a neologism that plays with the composition of the terms "sex" and "texting". In essence, sexual messages are sent via various platforms or directly via text message. 

The content can be short hot messages, provocative photos, sexy voice messages or even video messages. In the most detailed sense, it amounts to a visually enhanced form of phone sex. 

Who's into sexting?

At first glance, such exchanges lend themselves to couples living in long-distance relationships or people who want anonymous sexual interaction. However, sexting is not always synonymous with long-distance sex. In fact, in practice, this form of communication often serves to strengthen existing relationships. Those who send explicit messages to their partner during the day probably simply want confirmation that they have their full attention. In this way, they have a chance to find out whether their charms are working and can ensure that the person they are writing to is not simultaneously oriented elsewhere. 

When is sexting particularly hot?

Of course, the exchange of promising pictures can serve well as foreplay. The partners then turn each other on by playing mind games until one of them decides to meet the other in person. Such games can be quite exciting. It is particularly delicate when you have no chance of getting home as quickly as you would like because the train is stuck again or there are still two jobs to do. (And really nasty when the promising pictures arrive during a boring meeting. Of course, everyone has to know for themselves how much distraction they allow themselves...)

What is cybersex?

Sexting is thus clearly one of the forms of cybersex.

The question must first be clarified: What is cybereroticism and where does it begin? Because officially, it is by no means only about obviously sexual acts that take place at the same time.

Basically, it is not even necessary for online porn, which is often mentioned, to come into play. 

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Cybersex examples

Cybersex already begins with an erotically tinged text message. Live sexual content shown in front of the camera during a phone call is basically the optimum of possibilities.In between lies a wide field of possibilities. If you want, you can find chat partners for all imaginable and unimaginable fetishes, special sexting platforms where it may well come down to a final live date, and of course various pornographic materials. In this context, the term cybersex does not only apply to a tangibly performed act. You are already engaging in cybersex in the legal sense when you are passively consuming erotic content over the net. The anonymous form of online exchange can be so attractive that it develops into a real addiction. 

What makes cybersex so attractive?

More and more people prefer the interactive kind of spontaneous sex date to a real-life one-night stand. Why do so many people voluntarily forgo physical closeness? Of course, because it is incredibly convenient. As long as you know where to look, you can quickly find a suitable chat partner and get down to business without much preliminaries. Moreover, it is not necessary to get involved in a full-fledged relationship. In this respect, anonymous sex via an internet application can make separation phases more bearable and sweeten the single life. Insecurities about one's own sexuality can be discussed more freely in the virtual world. We allow ourselves to play with thoughts far beyond our comfort zone. This creates a buffer that allows the user to get used to the fact that he also likes things that are far from his upbringing.  

A man writing an erotic text message to his beloved

Sexting - history and meaning

Writing erotic messages was, of course, important for newly in love couples and those who wanted to be, even before the invention of sexting. For centuries, love letters have been peppered with erotic innuendos, even if they were by no means as explicit in ancient times as they are today.

With the advent of the technological revolution, perfumed stationery was gradually replaced by discussed tapes, video messages and, of course, phone sex. As the older brother of sexting, this too already allowed simultaneous connection over long distances. 

Sex as an audiovisual experience

We still find it very arousing to hear our partner's unambiguous words whispered into our ears in this way. Modern man, however, is a multi-media person. We want to see and hear, and at best also feel, smell and taste. In a world flooded with visual information, however, the visual desire is closest to us. It's not for nothing that a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the many virtual spaces of the internet are just what we need. If the possibility of a hot text message flirt was already extremely attractive, MMS functions and messanger services have made sex via WLAN irresistible. Modern smartphones also allow us to live video chat with complete strangers from wherever we want. The data volume of a standard mobile phone contract easily allows for such manoeuvres. 

The ties to permanently installed desktop workplaces are becoming more and more obsolete, and so the partner is also permanently available. Sex is no longer limited to a few hours in the evening, but is always and everywhere available in the digital framework. Within political structures in which the real world sets narrow limits to sexual development, sexting can take on meaning in the form of sexual emancipation. 

How do you do sexting?

Sexting, in its true sense, is based on language images and ambiguous remarks. A suggestive "Do you want to fuck?" is far from the heart of the matter. 

Content aspects

For couples, the content is about recalling things they have actually experienced together. The excitement is refreshed in a certain form. In contact with strangers, more hidden fantasies are formulated in order to test their effect. The interaction expands the private mind game. We feel understood and get further input to our ideas. Deviations from the norm are put into perspective and may be easier to address later in real life. 

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The path to digital flirting

Der Austausch kann über jeden frei zugänglichen Messangerdienst erfolgen. Erotische Textnachrichten können, wenn dies von beiden Seiten gewünscht wird, bei den meisten Anbietern spontan mit Fotos unterlegt werden. Wer für das Liebesspiel WhatsApp verwendet oder Signal hat zum Beispiel auch die Option, diese Bilder nur einmal für wenige Sekunden anzeigen zu lassen. Ähnliches ist mit SnapShoot möglich. So lassen sich intime Einblicke durch die Schlüssellochperspektive vermitteln.

Chatrooms arbeiten entweder mit den gleichen Angeboten oder erlauben den Austausch der Telefonnummern, um auf andere Orte auszuweichen.

Escort girl looking in here smartphone

Sexting - how do you do it without being intrusive?

For text and image alike, it should not be too much right away. If you don't want to appear pushy, approach the situation slowly, as in real life. Start with playfully indiscreet questions and indicate step by step which direction the conversation could take. Announce photos so that your counterpart has the option of rejecting them and, when it comes to visual material, bear in mind the eternal memory of the Internet.Show yourself only in such a way that you can still represent the shots even if a quickly taken screenshot is passed on. If you do not want to be recognized by others under any circumstances, make sure that nude photos cannot be attributed on the basis of special recognition features. 

Send appropriate nude photos

Never show your face and intimate parts of your body at the same time.

Avoid tattoos or very individual pieces of jewellery in the photos. There are also erotic advantages to showing less.

A flashing nipple or a penis sticking out from under clothing alone leaves much more room for the imagination than clumsy full-body shots. 

Sexting in your style of speaking

The same applies to choosing the right words.

Express yourself as naturally as possible. Of course, you are more likely to address indiscreet topics directly in correspondence.

That is why it does not necessarily have to slip into vulgarity. 

What is dirty talk?

How to write erotic messages

Of course, writing dirty talk is not everyone's forte. Some people doubt their rhetorical skills, others are uncertain about the content, and in general you don't know if the other side will understand everything correctly. Putting virtual sex into writing can be quite demanding. But don't worry, people who are not naturally blessed with literary talent can still play along. Because as I said- less is more. Of course, carefully chosen words always go down well, but the situation benefits much more from good ideas. The trick is to create an image in the other person's mind with just a few words that awakens their needs.

A woman looking at her sexts on her phone

What can you say?

The simple announcement that you liked last night or you touch yourself while thinking about him can already create a whole blockbuster in your head cinema. Tell her what you like about her. Ask each other where you would like to be kissed or touched. If you feel confident, you can of course move on to a series in continuation. Small stories, which, according to the format, are always interrupted after three or four sentences and leave time for additions, really turn up the sexual heat. Spiced up at the right moment with a small recording or a sexy whispered voice message, real pleasure can be created. 

Stick to realisable fantasies

If you do it cleverly, you can discreetly and playfully reveal your most secret inclinations to the other person during these talk rounds.

However, try not to invent actions that you dislike in bed. Especially not if you actually know such in reality or are together. Such an approach quickly leads to insecurities, which in turn can end in unnecessary arguments and misunderstandings.

Escort girl looking happy in here phone

Sexting examples

Sexting allows for very variable introductory sentences. The classic: "I dreamt about you!" is sure to be followed by "Oh yeah, and what?" Such harmless beginnings are good, because they also make it clear whether the other person can just get involved with your offer of play without bias. Furthermore, short pieces of information such as "I'm on my way to the shower", "I'm not even dressed yet" or even more subtle "If you knew what you just interrupted me with ..." are very helpful. Virtual shopping trips to lingerie shops or toy shops can also be inviting. "Have you ever tried a Womanizer? *Link*" or "Which one should I get, *Link* the red or the black bra?" This is a great way to find a topic that can then be expanded upon very directly. "I'd love to try this with you on the beach. Just us alone in the roaring surf." Interesting places can also be brought into play. "I went hiking today. I passed a lonely high place. We should do that sometime. We'd be all alone there..." A story like that leads more quickly to "Well, if it rains, we'll just take our clothes off and I'll count the raindrops on your skin" than you might think. There are, of course, much more direct examples of sexting, but they should be considered carefully before use. "I'd spank you" or "I'll take you so hard they'll hear you in the neighbour's house" can be misunderstood. Even "I can already taste your wet lips" may be problematic, though wonderfully ambiguous.

A man is browsing through an escort on the dating portal

Find contacts for sexting

If you want to try out sexting with a stranger, you usually only have to register with one of the various dating platforms and enter your wish there in the "About me" or "What I'm looking for" line. Even without this direct hint, if communication is reasonably open, a conversation will quickly develop there that can be carefully steered in the desired direction.Special chat rooms and groups on social media platforms also bring interested parties together. The topic enjoys such great popularity that you can probably also simply try your search engine with the query "sexting deutsch kontakte".

Setting boundaries when sexting

Sexting is also very popular among young people. The potential for abuse of this is obvious in this context. To avoid becoming a perpetrator yourself through ignorance, or a victim of stalking or defamation, respect the boundaries of electronic interaction when sending erotic messages. When having cybersex, don't give out any recordings that disparage you, don't distribute any content that is harmful to young people and check whether explicit images are actually wanted before you share them. No means no, especially when it comes to sadomasochistic content. If there are recordings of your lovemaking via WhatsApp, Zoom or similar channels, be aware that there are always possibilities to record these interactions, even if the service provider itself excludes them.

Data protection in escort service

The ladies of our escort service will not offer you sexting. We attach great importance to data protection, if only to be able to offer the most detailed discretion possible. Accordingly, the ladies do not pass on their personal data. What we do offer, however, is dirty talk. Please feel free to ask for this offer.

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