Playing with heat or cold stimuli - erotic passion or painful practice

Explore the play of heat and cold stimuli: from subtle touches to intense sensations. Discover how you and your partner can find new pleasure


by Bell Bennett

12 minutes read

Playing with heat or cold stimuli - erotic passion or painful practice

Playing with ice and fire is generally hardly perceived as a fetish. Only when the stimulus is stronger do we recognise the sadomasochistic features of this type of play. At first, however, we naturally associate warmth with sex. Cold seems to contradict our image of security. But what about the pleasant shiver that runs over us with regard to particularly erotic ideas and the goose bumps that can arise with arousal? From this point of view, the play with warmth and cold is at home in almost every bedroom.

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Young couple explores heat and cold stimuli

Heat and cold stimuli as a sexual form of play

Arousal can be caused by a number of internal and external stimuli that act on the body. Cold hands and warm lips create visible body reactions. This makes them wonderfully suitable for erotic games. These sensations are so fundamental that the mere thought of them puts the body in tension. Playing with warmth and cold guarantees you the full attention of your partner. Where the stimulus hits, the nervous system runs at full speed. The skin becomes more sensitive and reacts more intensely to sexual stimulation. A foreplay that perfectly prepares all involved for the actual act. Temperature stimuli not only stimulate, they also increase the existing sensation of pleasure. If you know what works for your partner and how, you can achieve a lot in this way.

Over the pain threshold

If degrees of heat and cold are chosen more intensely, tempered toys and liquids create a pleasantly arousing pain. Depending on how far you play this out, you move closer to the boundaries to BDSM techniques. In addition to the borderline experience, the focus is also on acting out dominance. Tied up or blindfolded, the subordinate part has to accept what is offered to him.Whether as tingling pleasure pain or harsh punishment, temperature stimuli generally play with the feeling of being at the mercy of others. What sounds harsh can be seen as a tangible sign of trust. A game that brings two people very close to each other.

More about bondage

Using bondage and heat and cold stimuli

What can the play with heat/cold stimuli look like?

Anything that can be heated or frozen is suitable:

  • Ice cubes or hot water
  • Body fire
  • Branding accessories
  • Dildos from the freezer or warmed in hot water
  • Warmed/cooled lube/massage oil
  • Food such as spray cream or hot tea
  • Warmed hands/mouth
  • Wax and much more

Ideas for frosty adventures

You probably know those typical film scenes in which foreplay is introduced with ice cubes. It's an idea that most TV viewers can follow without finding it too disconcerting. Everyone has experienced those moments when the partner's cold hands or feet surprisingly appear under the warm duvet. The thieving joy at the loud defensiveness in the partner's eyes.

Ice cube eroticism

Erotic games with heat and cold are basically nothing more or less than a deepening of these moments. The fact that ice cubes, of all things, inspire erotic fantasies is probably due to their practical handling and their mental proximity to the party cocktail.It is not directly considered offensive to stroke your counterpart's arm with a little ice from the glass on a warm summer night at the bar. However, sex with ice cubes can be much more. The small cold pillows are wonderful to pass over erogenous zones and disappear easily into one or other orifice when melted.

Playing with the ice cube as a cold stimulus

Frozen toys

Cold sex toys are even better suited for such games. Dildos made of metal or glass cool down quickly in the freezer and can thus provide very special moments of surprise. 

Ice frozen into toys

Also exciting, but again close to ice cube sex: sex with popsicles. There are actually extra moulds with which you can pour penis-shaped popsicles from clear water. The popsicle can also serve as a pure pleasure in sex, when you lick it with pleasure in front of your partner as if it were his best piece.

Small drops, big effect

If you like, you can also cool a few drops of massage oil and gently drip it on nipples or the inside of the thighs. From there, it can be massaged in discreetly and used to guide further play.

Sex below the freezing point

However, cold stimuli that last too long are not met with rejection by chance. In such moments, the body reacts immediately with countermeasures to maintain the status quo and protect itself from life-threatening hypothermia. If you stay too long in the cold, your hands and feet become stiff and show a bluish discolouration. The nose and ears also begin to ache unpleasantly. The skin becomes cracked and thinking slows down. The body withdraws all resources from the external areas in order to be able to protect the internal organs, which are essential for survival, to the maximum. Playing with this reaction can be delightful, but requires extensive general biological knowledge and experience.

Sex outside in winter as a game with the cold stimulus

Cold applications as BDSM

So if you want to adopt strong cold stimuli in your BDSM practice, you should be aware of these basic body processes. In fact, cold applications are very obvious in this area. Cold water dripping penetratingly over and over on the sensitive abdomen, a sudden cold shower, snow slowly spread all over the body or being exposed naked to the winter moon. These are all tingling practices, but they must be used in a clearly limited way. 

How to heat each other up

It is quite different with the use of heat in sexual play. Although there are of course exceptions, many people love warm touches. Attractive people are not called "hot" for nothing. Heat gets the blood pumping. The muscles relax and the sexual organs are supplied with more blood. The ideal starting conditions for a positive experience of physical love. 

The Wet - Erotic Pleasure

Acting out heat stimuli in the bathtub

Hot grants

In this respect, heat applications within foreplay almost always offer themselves. It begins with the breath in the loin region, which steadily approaches the intimate area. The impression is even stronger with pre-warmed hands or the use of warm water. Toys, lubricant and oil can also be used heated. Some vibrators have a heating function. Glass or metal dildos heat up in no time in a hot water bath. The warm feeling inside the body can be indescribably sexy. If you like it direct, rub warm gel or oil on the penis before using it. There are great lubes with heat-suggesting ingredients. They create a wonderful alternating effect. The gel comes out of the package cold at first. On contact with the mucous membrane, a hot sensation develops. The arousal level increases immensely within seconds.


Oral benefits become hotter the better the oral cavity has been pre-warmed. Hot drinks can be used quickly and intuitively here. In addition, it can be pleasant to immerse the scrotum in warm water while stimulating the penis with the hands.Massaging hands are a good source of heat in general. There is a lot of scope for the imagination here. Pre-warmed towels, hot stones and other heat sources can be included. 

Massage candles

Besides hot oil, you can also use massage candles. Special candles for sexual play have a relatively low melting temperature. They are made of waxes and oils whose warmth works deep in the muscles and provides lasting relaxation. Using conventional candles for sex is rather tricky. Their temperature is often very high, so burns can occur quickly.

Candle wax on the body

Even if candles are used in BDSM, special candles are more likely to be used whose temperature behaviour can be controlled by several wicks. Nevertheless, sex games with candle wax have a high erotic potential. By the way, only candle wax leaves wax marks on the body. Massage candles initially remain liquid on the skin. Candles made of soy, paraffin and beeswax are suitable. These burn at temperatures between 50 and 65 °C. This may be somewhat borderline for erotic games, but can still be categorised as "pleasure pain". Dripped onto the body at a distance of about one metre, wax creates erotic moments without hitting the skin too hot. 

Candle wax on the body is a heat stimulus

Ultimately, of course, not only candle wax can be used during sex, but also the flame of the candle itself. Several practices play on the fear of burning one's fingers that has been ingrained since childhood. A common saying that takes on a very direct meaning with sex candles. With which the use of candles allows sex games to step over the threshold to sadomasochism if necessary.

Burning desire

Fire-affine SM-ers, however, take a much more direct approach and don't necessarily mind if a hair or two goes up in smoke. Sparklers, cigarettes and various body and contact fire techniques are used. However, the use of special torches and wicks close to the body should first be consciously learned before they are used on human skin. A transfer of the fire from the torch to the skin is not actually intended. The intended effect is to create a feeling of the forbidden (i.e. playing with fire). It is well known that sex largely takes place in the brain, and that is where the attraction of pyro games lies. Cell popping (hot needles leave temporary marks on the skin), fire cupping (cupping with hot air) and branding with permanent marks can also be of interest in these areas. However, these are very special inclinations that must be clarified in advance.

Mix it, Baby

In practice, heat and cold stimuli are often used in direct alternation. The play with contrasts fully engages the attention and provides a special body experience. Basically, the effect is similar to saunas followed by cold showers. In general, massage candles, ice and liquid applications can be used in the same setting. A game that becomes particularly appealing when blindfolded. It is also worth experimenting a little. Menthol, for example, offers the possibility of creating the sensation of warmth and cold at the same time. The trick works with warmed-up menthol-containing ointments and gels, menthol-containing bath additives in hot bubble baths and also (especially surprising) hot peppermint tea before oral sex. This gives the alternating baths recommended by the doctor a whole new appeal... and even some foods like cold cream and melted chocolate appear in a whole new light. 

Risks and side effects

As both fire and ice can cause serious injuries, here are a few tips for your safety:

  • Slowly approach individual pain thresholds.
  • Inform yourself if you want to extend boundaries beyond a trackless level, according to physical feasibility. 
  • Never do anything that your partner has not explicitly allowed you to do. 
  • Those who play with fire should make their surroundings fireproof (tie up hair, move overhanging materials out of the way and provide fire extinguishing facilities).
  • Consider the danger that simple ice cubes can pose. Ice cubes straight from the freezer are too cold (yes, they can be) to be used on the skin. You know the effect of toddlers licking the pole from the climbing frame in winter? Exactly. Not nice. Even less nice when it affects more intimate regions. So always let ice thaw...
  • Substances containing sugar (such as whipped cream) can affect the vaginal flora and very often result in fungal infections.
  • Household candles heat up to over 80 °C. This not only hurts on contact, it also leaves scars on the skin. 
  • Large-scale burns heal very poorly and can weaken the body to the point of fatal shock. Fire games are thus very dangerous on a larger scale. If something goes wrong, forget all shame and call a doctor immediately.
  • Equally alarming are frostbite conditions. If limbs or other protruding parts of the body become too cold (yes, the penis is one too), they are no longer supplied with sufficient blood. This results in tissue death. Permanent. 
  • Sets a safeword.
  • The active partner can test the temperatures of gel, dildo and co. on their own wrist. 
  • Wipeable pads, towels or special sheets are always recommended to keep the cleaning effort after the pleasure within limits.

Use a variety of locations for playing with heat and cold stimuli

Sex games with heat and cold offer an enormous space to live out yourself and your desire.  You can also enjoy sex hot cold with our ladies. They will accompany you to special places, if appropriate, and perhaps have fun with you in the sauna or on a snowy excursion. Sex games with heat and cold can be combined with any erotic date. However, address such preferences in advance. Every escort lady sets her own limits in this context. For those who would like a little more than just sex games with wax, there are experienced dominas among our fetish ladies who will be happy to accommodate your wishes.

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