Sex accidents

Accidents and mishaps of various kinds have certainly been experienced by many of us. But sex accidents make up a very special category. Some are just funny, others can be very embarrassing and a not small percentage of sex accidents even pose a serious health risk. In this article we have compiled some of the strangest sex accidents in the world and supplemented them with one or two anecdotes from the lives of our escort ladies. Because although most women are experienced professionals, even they are not always spared funny sex mishaps. Have fun reading!

 

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Funny sex accidents from around the world

Time and again, there are people whose sex accidents come to public attention through their own stories or even because the police and emergency doctor were involved. Here are a few funny stories that really happened:

Hot in cold Russia

A couple from Russia's Mordovia were making pancakes when they were overcome with lust for each other. So while the man was preparing the pancakes, his sweetheart was spoiling him with her mouth. Apparently, in the course of the excitement, he lost his strength. When he tried to take the pan off the cooker, it fell out of his hand and directly onto his girlfriend's head. She was shocked, or perhaps because of the pain, and clenched her teeth. Fortunately, the whole thing turned out to be harmless and the not too deep bite wound healed quickly.

The perfect blowjob

Not heroic at all

A Spanish man wanted to save his wife in Siena from imaginary villains dressed as a superhero. His script called for him to jump from the dresser to the bed with his cape spread out, where the previously bound wife was waiting for her hero. Unfortunately, Batman landed inelegantly right next to the bed and broke his arm in the process. It was a pity, however, that his partner was tied to the bedposts and could not rush to his aid. So she had no choice but to call for help until a neighbour called the ambulance.

Explosives in the buttocks?

An American man was suspected of terrorism because of his penchant for anal gratification with a vibrator. He had been playing with his sex toy shortly before flying on holiday, but did not manage to get it out of his anus when he had to check in. As you can probably already guess, the metal detector went off at passenger screening. But since nothing could be found during the pat-down, the man then had to undress in a back room in front of the security staff. They then examined all the body orifices and finally found the culprit. To make matters worse, the man missed his flight. 

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Rolling debacle

In England, a couple thought a late-night romp in their car would be a great idea. So they parked at the back of a fast food restaurant and got going. To this day, it's not known which of the two accidentally nudged the gearstick in their love frenzy and got the car rolling. Idling and propelled by the movements inside, the car then moved faster and faster towards the restaurant in question. The vehicle only came to a stop after breaking through the front window of the fast food outlet. This story could be nominated for the stupidest accident of all time! 

Your friend and sex helper

Sex accidents also happen in Germany, such as the following one from Ingolstadt, which made headlines: A man handcuffed his partner to the bed without thinking that he had lost the key for it. As there was no suitable tool in the household to open or saw open the handcuffs, he had to pick up the phone and inform the police. The officers arrived and freed the woman from the unpleasant situation.

Amore with pitfalls

An Italian couple was all fired up for a tête-à-tête in the surf of the sea. A beautiful experience in itself, but on this day the wife suddenly got a severe vaginal cramp during sex in the water. This was so painful for both parties that they started screaming loudly, attracting the attention of other beachgoers. They took the two out of the water and tried to separate them. However, this was not possible and they were taken to hospital. It was only there that the administration of an antispasmodic agent provided the much longed-for relaxation in the intimate area.

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Embarrassing sex accidents - the top 6

Of course, what people find embarrassing or call a funny sex accident varies from person to person. However, some of the common mishaps that many women and men are ashamed of are the following:

Trumpeted

Escort lady Elfie experienced something that might be embarrassing for her client to this day. After a stimulating bath in the whirlpool, the two quickly switched to bed and things soon got heated. They were in the middle of sex when the gentleman's phone rang and—to Elfie's astonishment—he actually answered it. He kept the phone call very short, however, while he slowly continued to move inside her. No sooner had he hung up than his thrusts became more violent and deeper and he came to orgasm moaning loudly. It was only when they both heard the laughter from the mobile phone that it was clear that something must have gone wrong when they hung up. The client's business partner had witnessed the climax live! I wonder if this was also the climax of his career? — Hardly. Since then, Elfie advises the gentlemen who book her not to answer their phones during the date. 

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Penis vacuum cleaner

It actually happens more often than you might think that men masturbate with the help of a hoover. This may seem like a tempting experience at first, but in most cases it has very embarrassing consequences. This is because the erectile tissue in the penis becomes so bulging due to the vacuum that the good thing is often literally stuck in the suction tube. The pressure from outside prevents the swelling from going down, and the only option is almost always to go to the emergency doctor and disconnect yourself from the household appliance. Some men had particularly fatal experiences with an earlier Vorwerk model in the 1970s. The fan was mounted so far forward in the suction pipe that some men suffered serious injuries to their glans during this dubious practice. When the company found out about this, they changed the design so as not to be responsible for any further hoover accidents of this kind.

Rope teams

Bondage games are popular with a lot of people. But apart from the already mentioned problems that handcuffs can bring, knotting ropes also wants to be learned. Escort lady Dunja is still amused when she tells about the captivating story - and this is meant literally - of the sex accident with one of her clients. The gentleman wanted to finally try out tying up his playmate, but unfortunately he was completely inexperienced at it. So it happened that after making love he desperately tried to loosen the loops and knots on Dunja's bonds. Since scissors or knives are not usually available in hotel rooms, the client had to get dressed and borrow a cutting tool from the reception. Only then he was able to remove the ropes on Dunja's hands and feet. 

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Vegetable Joy

Sex with so-called natural dildos is considered popular, but not infrequently leads to particularly embarrassing sex accidents. Many friends of the crops forget that parsnips, cucumbers or carrots do not have the same stability as a dildo or vibrator. All too often, the vegetables break in two during masturbation and a part gets stuck in the vagina or anus. Even if you are spared this sex accident, which inevitably leads to hospital, we recommend avoiding natural dildos. They often contain parasites or pesticides that can damage sensitive mucous membranes.

Surprising discovery

Sure, parents know enough about embarrassing sex questions and sometimes you even get caught having sex at home. Children are curious. Embarrassing enough, some would say. But escort lady Elena knows of a situation that might be even more uncomfortable for her regular client than being caught by children. The gentleman was usually in town with a colleague when business appointments were scheduled. Since they were often merry in the evenings, each of them had a spare key to the other's hotel room. Maybe they would have to take each other to their rooms or a room card would get lost. Not a bad idea in itself, but..: At the last meeting with said gentleman, who found it particularly erotic to wear high heels himself, it came to a super-GAU! The client stood there with his legs wide apart in black patent pumps, while Escort Elena knelt in front of him and orally pleasured his best piece. His colleague had foolishly confused his room with his friend's in a drunken state and the door flew open in the middle of the act. Wide eyes on both sides, apologetic stammering and the other man had already disappeared again. Nevertheless, the mood was gone and Elena suspects that the two have since given up on the idea of exchanging keys.

Strange sex accidents that are hard to believe

Unfortunately, many sex accidents are not only bizarre, but even dangerous. Especially when having sex with objects, the risk of injury is high. In some cases, one's own health or that of other living beings is at stake. As beautiful as we find sex, these bizarre practices are really a no-go:

Bottles, glasses & Co.

Most people have absolutely no idea how strong the muscles of the vagina and rectum are. This is sometimes their undoing when looking for aids to masturbation. Because they resort to bottles or glasses to insert them. It has already happened several times that these vessels were then crushed in the body orifice. Most of the shards cause internal injuries, and in the worst case you could bleed to death. So keep your hands off glass and porcelain! 

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Hamster... without words

In 2014, an Austrian woman actually came up with an absurd idea. She started her crazy activity by shaving her hamster, clipping its claws and then deliberately inserting it into her vagina! It came as it had to: the hamster got stuck in the woman and she had to go to the emergency room. There it was removed by a gynaecologist. Both the animal and the woman survived the strange experiment unharmed. However, it could have ended quite differently and we do not classify this in the category of "funny women accidents"!

Unplanned drunkenness

During a visit to his regular brothel, a man had himself given an enema according to his preference. Nothing new for the lady accompanying him. But she thought about how she could bring a little variety into the "treatment". So she gave the enema with red wine instead of warm water - absolutely not a happy decision, as it soon turned out. The man lay motionless for some time after the procedure, and the lady called the emergency doctor. The doctor confirmed that the customer was intoxicated because the alcohol had been absorbed very quickly by the body through the mucous membranes in the intestines.

Pull yourself together...

An American wanted to sweeten his work in his workshop and satisfy himself during a short break. He switched on the grinding machine and pressed his abdomen against it to enjoy the pleasure-increasing vibration of the machine while masturbating. Unfortunately, his testicles got too close to the V-belt and were almost completely torn off. Only a quick emergency operation could save him from losing his scrotum. Gentlemen and ladies: We strongly advise against similar experiments with work and household equipment.

Painful sexual intercourse

Sex that leads to accidents and injuries is not common, but we would like to briefly discuss the most common injuries.

Penis fracture

Ever since Dieter Bohlen confessed to a penis fracture during sex in 2003, this painful consequence of too wild sex has been on everyone's lips. Although many men are afraid of this, a rupture of the erectile tissue is relatively rare. It happens when the erect penis is bent too much, causing the capsule of an erectile tissue to rupture. This often happens when the not fully erect member slips out of the vagina during fast and violent movements and hits the pubic bone during the next penetration attempt. This injury occurs most frequently in the doggy and missionary positions and can best be repaired by surgery as soon as possible.

Torn foreskin frenulum

If there is not enough moisture during sexual intercourse, the foreskin frenulum, which is very taut during sex, can tear. Strong friction or accidental penetration of the anus during sex are usually the triggers. Due to the strong blood flow to the penis, a lot of blood leaks from the wound. If the bleeding cannot be stopped quickly, the person affected should go to hospital quickly.

Preventing sex accidents - a checklist

You have probably bumped into your partner's head or accidentally bitten your lip in the heat of the moment. These things happen and are hard to avoid when passion is running high. But who wants sex to end up in hospital? Exactly - no one! That's why it makes sense to arm yourself against common sex accidents. Here are some tips:

• When having sex in the bath or shower, make sure you have a non-slip surface and, if possible, a handhold.

• To prevent abrasions and bruises, carpets and natural floors should be padded with a towel or yoga mat before the act.

• When the going gets tough, never pull the penis completely out of the vagina or anus, if possible, so that you don't slip off when penetrating again.

• Ensure sufficient lubrication, including the use of suitable oils and lubricants.

• Only use sex toys made specifically for this purpose and never introduce food or household objects to yourself.

Is sex really that dangerous?

Let's put it this way, the more physical contact and action you have, the higher the likelihood of injury. This can be compared well with different sports, but we don't give up sports because of the possible risk, do we? Of course, most sex accidents are fun and most of them are not that bad. And: The most stupid injuries are those that can usually be completely avoided with a little thought beforehand. However, stories about sex injuries and sex mishaps are a dime a dozen, despite good preparation, but fortunately almost always with a mild outcome. With our tips, however, you should be well prepared to enjoy accident-free sex to the fullest. Enjoy a carefree adventure with one of our escort ladies, of course without sex accidents, but full of devotion and eroticism.

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